The sun is in Leo, where it shines the brightest. And it’s time for me to take a cue from the sun, show up, shine out and be visible because…
I’ve been hiding.
I don’t let others folks see the real me. Not just y’all here in internet land, but also in my personal life. I have rigid rules about how I act in public and these rules keep me from showing up authentically. But, when I don’t let other people see me, I never let myself be seen & understood. I don’t let myself CONNECT.
I don’t want to be this way. I really like who I am – flamboyant, queer, neurodivergent, disaster Sagittarius. I want to show up authentically. But the rigid codes of conduct became cemented in my way of being before I really got a choice.
You see, I’m not the only one who has been hiding. My ancestors were experts at hiding. They hid their unsavory stories. They hid their origins that would have prevented them from properly assimilating into mainstream US society. They hid their relations who didn’t also choose to hide.
Hiding protected my ancestors and the people who raised me. Hiding also harmed them.
Hiding is a painful kind of protection. It’s one that perpetuates its necessity. When you hide yourself within the norms of a colonial, patriarchal, white supremacist, heteronormative society you perpetuate that society. When you hide within society’s norms you ensure that more people will have to face that awful choice. You ensure that that harmful society will continue.
It’s time for me to stop hiding, stop perpetuating that choice.
It’s scary. But, it’s also a lot better than knowing I made the choice to perpetuate this cruel world.
I respect & I heal my ancestors’ painful, rage-filled choice, I respect & heal myself & all the ways I had to choose safety over self-expression by saying no more hiding.
I’m done hiding. I can be seen.
So be on the look out! You’ve been warned – the full disaster human of me is on the loose! Count on seeing a lot more queer joy, selfies, & general ridiculousness. A lot more of the loud, flamboyant, curious, flirtatious, outrageous, intellectually promiscuous, boundary pushing, queer, frenetic, active, disaster human of me that I’ve been hiding from y’all.
It’s gonna be magical.